ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
