that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
