Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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