He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
