Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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