i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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