I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
