O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
