Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
