You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
