Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
