he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
