She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
