fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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