What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
