i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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