This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
