Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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