You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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