every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
