It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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