the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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