My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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