Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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