Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
