Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
