I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
