she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
