i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
