she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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