We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
