are you so shy because you have an std?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
