I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
time to smoke my breakfast
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
