i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
