Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
