and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
