...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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