yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
