Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
