you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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