i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
