Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just cut my nipple shaving
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
