I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
