I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
