We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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