You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
