Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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