Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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