plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
