Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
