No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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