he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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