I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
