so let's talk penis.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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