I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
These tits shall not be calmed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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