So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
