she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
