I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
