i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
