I wanna passion pit in your ass
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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