I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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