Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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