I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
